Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
