maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
