You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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