You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
