Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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