When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
