remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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