The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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