chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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