Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish there were birth control emojis
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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