Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
