im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your penis caused this!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
