you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
