I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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