So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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