Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
