Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
