i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
