ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
