Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
