I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sex in a hospital.. check
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
