it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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