dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
