You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
