dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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