ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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