Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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