She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
