I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
