a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
