i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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