As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
