And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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