In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
