burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she told me i tasted like america
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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