Rock
Scissors
Fuck
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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