he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
