Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
