I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize