i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
