things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
