so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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