Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
