I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
