My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
