Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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