We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
