I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
