Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
