I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I will be naked everywhere
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
