my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
