Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
