i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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