you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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