you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
