I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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