i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
