oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Barsexuality is the new black.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
