you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
