this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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