i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
