at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
