I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
