What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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