Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
