Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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