yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
