haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The beers last night were like the tears from god
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
