Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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