Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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