best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i came on her dog
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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