every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
