Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
