Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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